


Only Once

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 221B Baker Street, Angst, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Poor Life Choices, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Do something while there's still a chance, because that chance doesn't last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it's gone before you know it. Before you know it!" -John Watson, The Lying Detective
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Only Once

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starrshard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrshard/gifts).



> Inspired by smth I saw on Pinterest.

“What? He was clearly abusive and undevoted!” Sherlock protested, gesturing wildly, as John berated him yet again for hurting someone’s feelings.

“She was infatuated!” John yelled back.

“I was just saving her the pain of a future breakup.”

“I - this - you… you absolute arsehole!” John slammed his hand onto the armrest of his chair, causing them both to flinch.

“He was clearly uninterested,” Sherlock continued.

“That’s. Not. The. Point.” John hissed, “Of course you don’t understand; you have never been in love!”

The words hit Sherlock like a bullet.

_ “You have never been in love!” _

_ In. Love. _

He could almost feel the sharp edges of the accusation tearing into his skin, lodging itself deep into his heart.

_ Love. _

_ You. Never. Love. _

The fractured sentence burst, sending jagged bolts flying.

Dimly, he heard John sigh.

“Sherlock?” 

Sherlock looked up sadly. 

“No, John. Only once.”

His eyes were met by John’s, whose widened with realization by what he meant.

The silence lingered as the two men stared at one another, as if daring the other to speak.

“Who was it?” John finally said, lowering his head again.

“Use your senses, John. Think,” Sherlock sneered.

When John looked up at him again, Sherlock knew he knew. 

“All this time? Sherlock, I-”

“John, this doesn’t have to…”

“Sherlock, shut up. Just - shut up,” John interrupted. He paused, thinking. “You should’ve said something.”

“Because that chance isn’t always there, you know. If you had told me before all this, before… before Mary, before you fell, before- well…”

“Well what?” Sherlock asked crossly.

John exhaled.

“Things could’ve been different. Because yes, I loved you, you bloody idiot, but then you had to go kill yourself-”

“I didn’t kill myself-”

“LISTEN TO ME!” John cut in furiously, “Do you ever think about the impact your actions will have on others? I had to watch you die and - and it broke me! Then you come back and… all I’m saying, Sherlock, is that I can’t - we can’t - not anymore…”

“I know,” Sherlock said solemnly.

John glanced at him again before standing up awkwardly. “I’d best be going, then…”

He turned and walked out of the silent flat.

**Author's Note:**

> idk i felt like writing Johnlock but also making it angsty as heck... 
> 
> happy holidays
> 
> Starrshard thank you


End file.
